Functioning without the Tweet: remember BT- Before Twitter?

MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, Hi-Five…. and so on and so forth. Social networking has replaced any call for an old fashioned knees-up between friends unless it’s absolutely necessary, and I can’t remember at what stage this switchover happened. You are no longer required to chat with people on the phone or any other such traditional, dated device- you already know everything that’s going on thanks to the marvel of the world-wide web. Charlotte had Chilli for tea, and is going to vote Jedward. Lisa is mega miffed with David, and is take a saucepan to his head. Right after she lets us know all about it via her status, of course. Your friends know about any ailments (status updates), any new men on the scene (a relationship status that changes more times than pants), your latest wardrobe acquirements (Felicity has tagged 74 photos of you in the album ‘S**t-faced, Autumn 2009) and for any information required beyond that, there is of course Facebook stalking. I caught up with a friend last night on the phone, who I haven’t seen for a couple of weeks. She asked accusingly, ‘did you get a new dress?’ after seeing photos of me out on saturday night arrive on ‘The Book’ for all to view. When I stated that I had in fact purchased a new skirt the week before, she retorted, ‘looks like a dress.’ and nothing more. Apparently living our lives through the internet means we are no longer required to flatter, or converse traditionally…

We have elevated ourselves to mock celeb status. We can no longer wear the same outfit to events, for fear of being ‘tagged’ on two separate occasions in the same clothes. We rate our popularity based on how many people we can say we brushed past one in the street (which clearly justifies a friend request), and how many comments we can get on our dry witty status updates about today’s current affairs. When I say current affairs, I extend the term to its loosest form and refer to Big Brother, I’m a Celebrity get Me Out of Here, Strictly Come Dancing, and any other Z List Career Revamp Show on terrestrial television. For all you Americans, boy you don’t know what you’re missing. Simon Cowell is just the tip of the iceberg…

I digress. Social Networking has meant that along with aiding us through life with online food shopping, AQA text service (to save us thinking and wearing ourselves out) , and pre grated cheese, we are no longer required to make any effort with our nearest and dearest. You already know whats happening, why on earth would you need to meet up for drinks or dinner? You don’t have time to have mutual hobbies, you’re far too busy sitting in your house at the PC clicking refresh to see what’s going to happen next… The only time you will venture out of the house is to go out- armed with camera so that the photos can go straight onto your profile ASAP, LOL- or possibly on holiday, because your vacation must must MUST outdo Tim’s ‘Antigua 09’ snaps. Lots of outstretched arms in the corner of the photo, as you catch a shot of yourself on the balcony. In fact, 99% of the photos are just you in various summer outfits, to ensure you get maximum usage (and coverage) of your newly purchased summer wardrobe. This would not have been possible pre Twit!

Now I should lay off a bit, Facebook has been responsible for some very serious events. marriage, divorce, dismissal, only last week Rodney Bradford escaped a prison sentence due to his alibi courtesy of ‘The Book’. Wow! Now Facebook can actually replace a living human being accounting for your whereabouts. In fact, I no longer need all my mates after all. I’m much too busy living my virtual life to bother with this old fashioned real-life life….

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~ by Scarlettice on November 19, 2009.

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